What is gender neutral parenting and is it right for your family?

Gender neutral parenting is a super personal choice. It’s not an easy journey and there may be challenges for your child (and yourself).

Quick Read:

  • The idea is to raise children without obvious gender stereotypes.
  • You may not have all the answers and will have to learn as you go.

What is gender neutral parenting?

Maybe you’re not convinced about the whole “pink for girls, blue for boys,” sentiment. It’s a new world and society is evolving as fast as hashtags trend, right? People are now choosing their own personal pronouns (you’ve probably seen these in email signatures and profiles, like “he/him” or “she/her”).

So, you want to be a parent who’s on the pulse. Is gender neutral parenting for you?

This form of parenting is about removing labels. Your child isn’t identified as a boy or girl. Their room is free of any stereotypical colours, toys and clothes that identify as one of the genders. Their name can go either way – something androgynous or a name completely free of any connotations.

Free-range parenting

It’s as simple as if it’s a girl – you could choose any name at all. If it’s a boy – anything. That’s the beauty and simplicity of gender neutral parenting. Samantha could be a boy. Adam could be a girl.

What do I tell my child if they ask questions?

Your parenting journey is wide open in terms of what (and how) you explain things to your child. Many parents leave it up to the child, “You decide what you want to be. If you’re a girl, you tell us.” You and your partner have all the flexibility and freedom you choose in how you answer these questions.

So, no rules?

Maybe, maybe not. Gender neutral parenting is kind of a free-range, free flowing concept with the overriding idea of freedom of choice, raising children in a world where men, women, boys and girls are removed from the table. Your child can still have “rules” that govern their learning, education, development and health. Your family could still have its own rules and values that are personal to you.

Parenting without gender labels

Are people really doing this?

The trend became popular in 2011 when a Canadian couple made headlines. At the time, they refused to identify their baby as a boy or a girl. The couple revealed that their unusual decision was a “tribute to freedom and choice in place of limitation, a stand-up to what the world could become in Storm’s lifetime.” (Storm was the name they chose for the baby).

Respect a little child, and let it respect you. – Bantu Proverb

What are the risks?

Gender neutral parenting can be confusing. Especially for a child. Kids could be bullied at school, feel ostracised and struggle to “pick” an identity. These are all potential issues you should consider.

Help at hand
  • Use gender-neutral language (like “children” or “kids” instead of boys and girls) to create a more inclusive environment.
  • Instead of complimenting appearance (“You’re so pretty” or “You’re so strong”), consider qualities like kindness, curiosity, and problem-solving skills.
  • Let your children choose their interests, whether it’s sports, arts, or hobbies that aren’t traditionally gendered. If a child wants to explore different toys, games, or activities, encourage them.
  • Introduce children to books, movies, and real-life role models who break traditional gender norms. Look for stories with strong female characters, empathetic male characters, and non-binary people to expand their worldview.
  • Offer a range of colours, clothing styles, and accessories that don’t fit strictly into boys or girls categories. Let children choose what feels comfortable for them. 
  • If gender neutral parenting is the path for your family, make sure everyone is in agreement. Spend some time talking it out and create your own model that works for your family. Remember though, this type of parenting may leave you open to judgement from others.

Images: Freepik